i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
