i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
