Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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