When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
