You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
