piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
