Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
