His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
