you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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