i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
