I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
