distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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