put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
