I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
