I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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