There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
