After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
