Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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