what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
