im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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