I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
