Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
