He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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