i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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