Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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