ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
