i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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