you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
