We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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