he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
