you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
