Don't make out with my wife yet
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
