I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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