We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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