I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
