That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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