I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
