There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
