things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
