he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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