Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
