to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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