Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
