That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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