i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
