You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
