Yo dont text me then not text me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
