Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
