We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
