capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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