if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
