just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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